Gobble, Gobble

I'm thankful for the friends that I have. I would be nothing without them. I'm thankful for the good memories I have made over the years. I am thankful for beer because without it I wouldn't have had as many memorable moments in life.

time to move on

I have come to the conclusion that it is time to move on. I should have come to this conclusion a long time ago but I have finally put my foot down. I am finished and I am staying away from the male species for a long time. I say this all the time but I really mean it. At least until I break down this wall that I have that is disabling me from having any intimate relationship with a guy. I am 18 years old and I have plenty of time for that in the future anyways. Right now I just need to focus on myself and focus on enjoying life as much as possible.
I cannot wait to go home. It feels like it has been forever. Hopefully I'll be able to finish this english paper that I have to write. I've been too distracted to be able to complete it. Go to the west lawn tonight at 8:30. It's going to be Lounge on the Lawn. Open Mic. I hope to see you guys there.

I am extremely embarrassed. I acted like an idiot tonight. I need to take a break from drinking. I detest acting like such an immature girl. I apologize to everyone that had to deal with me crying again. I also apologize for not going through with my bet. I don't like to break promises or things of that sort and I feel like a pussy bitch.

Hope

This weekend was extremely fantastic even though I can't remember half of it. The party at Kristy's on Friday was good. I met a bunch of people that I hadn't yet talked to which was nice. I now have the image of Sean pushing Crystal and her toppling over in my head and it just keeps replaying over and over. Hahaha. But I must say Saturday beat Friday without a doubt. I have never been that drunk in my life and I hope to never be like that again. I normally don't forget things but there are parts of the night that I truly don't remember and it's a little bit terrifying. What I learned from this weekend is that I have some really good friends that I can trust. I want to thank those people that helped me as I was stumbling around saying stupid shit and those that made me feel better as I was shedding drunken tears. I must say I think the best part about last night is the text I sent to Roy. I'm drunk I'm sorry I want ass. hahaha.

So tomorrow we are going bowling. $5 to bowl and that also includes shoes. I am stoked. Then the shield Tuesday! On Wednesday there is a survivor of the Holocaust coming to speak at school. I am definitely going to go listen.

Now I will leave you with this song:

Hope - Sublime

How can you say.
"You torture me",
when you're already thinking about someone else.
When he comes home you'll be in his arms and I'll be gone.
But I know my day will come,
I know someday I'll be the only one.

So now you wait for a spark,
you now it will turn you on.
He's gonna make you feel the way you want to feel.
When he starts to lie,
when he makes you cry you'll now I'll be there.
My day will come,
I know someday
I'll be the only one.

Call me selfish,
call it what you like I think it's right.
To want someone for all your own and not to share their love.
But I'll have my way.

You don't stand a chance anyway.
Cause I got to you,
you don't stand a chance.

So now you wait for his cock,
you know it will turn you on.
He's gonna make you feel the way you want to feel.
When he starts to lie,
when he makes you cry you'll now I'll be there.
My day will come,
I know someday I'll be the only one.
My day will come,
I know someday I'll be the only one.

You say you want perfection,
I see your self destruction.
You don't know what you want,
it's gonna take you a year to find out.
I am not givin up.
And when you've had enough,
you take your bruised little head
and you'll come running back to me
I know that I will be the only one.

So I read over my last blog and it seemed like I was complaining a whole lot. Although bad things do happen to good people, the bad things do sometimes come with the good. I just have to put things into perspective. I have an awesome family and amazing friends. I'm in college and enjoying myself here. I'm not stuck in shitty Sarasota. I really have no right to be complaining. I have one thing not really going for me but it might work in the end. I'm hoping for the best.

I was speaking to my good friend, Meghan, a little earlier today and we decided that when we graduate from college we are going to take a year off and travel the world. I have 3 and a half years to get everything planned and get enough money to spend. It's something I have always wanted to do and it is going to happen. It is going to be such a fantastic experience. I'm going to learn about so many different cultures and witness things I have never seen in my life. I can't wait to do this it's going to be so fun especially with Meghan.

The Shield tonight! What an excellent show.

An Epic of Time Wasted

Yesterday I found a bag of weed on the ground walking down Treasure Street. It is pretty ironic that I found such a treasure on treasure st. Anyways by the help of smoking some of that weed and talking to my dear, best friend Dangie, I have come to the realization that bad things happen to good people. Dangie is probably one of the nicest, most amazing person that I know in existence. She only deserves the best but for some reason bad things keep happening to her. I just don't understand. I am happy she is now out of the hospital because I was worried. Hopefully they take the tube out of her really soon. Now she has to deal with a few other obstacles in her life and it just sucks especially since I can't do anything to help her. It is sad that we live so far away from each other.
I found out a few days ago that my mom went to the dermatologist to get a mole on her head checked out and it was found to be cancerous. I was really taken aback when I heard of this. I guess they should be able to just cut it out but I am still nervous about it. Thinking about it just makes me go insane. Life without my mom is just unimaginable.
I really think and hope that the only reason bad things happen to good people is so that they become better and stronger people for being able to withstand all the hits that they received. Once the bad things pass there will only be good things that will happen to them.
And please answer me this. Do I have to be a fat, crazy bitch to get a guy? I'm going to stop being nice, I'm to stop caring, I'm going to stop trying. Obviously having a girl that will actually treat them right is a big turnoff for guys. They just want to be treated like shitbags. It's completely ridiculous. Why do men and women have to play games with each other? Why can't people just be honest with each other? Why do we have to play hard to get? Oh well I am going off on a rant. I am just tired of having to put some much work in getting what I actually deserve. I deserve a guy that will treat me well. I do not deserve to be treated like shit. I think the good girls should get what they deserve. But that will never happen. The bad girl always gets the guy.
Someday I hope that I get what I deserve and that a guy is fighting to be with me. I am tired of doing all the fighting. I am finished trying so hard, if you're interested then you can fight to get me. I'm exhausted and I can't deal with my heart beating 100 miles a minute.

I just remembered this song and I hope that I find a guy that I can play this to someday.

Yet Again

Once again my shyness has ruined a possibility of a good relationship.  I do not understand why I have to become so timid around the boys that I actually see a future with.  I just need time to relax in front of them and show them who I really am.  I have so much to talk about, I have so many secrets I want to unleash, and I want to pour my soul out. All I need is some time and you will be pleasantly surprised.  But now it is too late and I am left here alone yet again.  My being shy may have been cute when I was a young child but now it has just become a complete nuisance and I can't take it anymore.  I just can't help it though and it really sucks.  I wish there was a way to change this situation or at least not feel so terrible.  I just wish that he knew that if he were to give me some time I could be the best girl to ever come into his life.  I won't treat him like shit. I'm not a crazy bitch. I'm an easygoing girl.  If he wanted it, I would give him the world.  But because of this ridiculous quality of mine I ruined my chance with this great guy.