the fiction we live

I am finished doing things to please others. This is my life and I'm going to enjoy it the way I want to enjoy it. I don't know what I want to do but I'm definitely not going to let someone force me to decide right away. It sucks that because of this, Wade and I are no longer speaking. He wants all or nothing. So he doesn't even want to be friends. It's too bad but I'm sick of people making me feel bad. Every time I come to Sarasota I end up feeling like shit. That is why I'm just hanging out with people I actually want to hang out with and want to hang out with me. This trip has really shown me who my true friends are. It has also shown me that I have really changed since I moved away from home. I have definitely changed for the better. I'm really loving the person that I am becoming. I used to think people who were searching for themselves were crazy but I now understand what they mean. I am searching for myself. It's a very confusing but fun adventure. I'm learning more about myself everyday.


On a different note..it's nice to be on vacation. Sarasota sucks but it's been nice seeing my friends and just relaxing. I've missed sleeping in my bed. Oh and I've put some more thought into tattoos. I still don't think i will get one but I thought of another tattoo idea. There's this song called Green Hell and Pepper sings it and it has a line that says "the sun screams louder at night." I'm going to have my tattoo say that and then have the heroes eclipse.( pictured above) I probably won't get one but it's fun to think about. Who knows.


I hadn't blogged in a while but I finally did. yay!

beast of burden

So there have been many thoughts floating in my mind lately. Many about life. What is the purpose of me being here on earth? What am I supposed to do? And then it hits me that life is pretty short and I should not be wasting it on worrying about minor details in my existence. I should be enjoying it as much as possible. I should go out there and learn as much as I can, party as much as I can, and spend as much time as I can with loved ones.
Also, I have been feeling like there is something missing in my life. There is a sort of emptiness in my heart like there is supposed to be something there but it's not. I would love to discover what it is.
One other thing that has been on my mind is the exboyfriend. Give him a second chance or no?

I want to write more but I am unable to at the moment. This blog may be deleted in the morning when I end up reading what I wrote. hehe